Title : Beneath it all (4/?)
Pairing : Akame
Rating : PG-13
Genre : AU. Angst/Drama
Summary : Kame was a future Waseda student, not exactly sure about his direction in life until he met Jin and found out that maybe plans in life were meant to be disregarded.
A/N : Honest confession : I have no idea what I'm writing. Written to White Xmas. Comments appreciated.

Chapter 4


Kame liked working in the Japanese restaurant right at the edge of the ski resort. It was interesting to come across the various people who all congregated at the ski resort during the winters and the small sleepy town would come alive with the bustling business the tourists brought. In any case, it provided a nice diversion from Jin and for the first time in his life, he realized that Sapporo was actually big enough for two people to never see each other again. They were entrenched in their own sections of the city and Kame could forget about the embarrassing incident at the club, or everything after that.


In the restaurant, he worked the day shift and normally Koki would fetch him home in the evening. However that day, one of his colleagues had fallen sick and Kame had to do the night shift. The restaurant was extremely busy during the dinner period and Kame was taking orders when he heard the bell chime. He was about to greet the customer when he realized it was Akanishi Jin, decked in an all-black outfit and he realized Sapporo wasn’t nearly big enough. Because fate had a seriously odd manner of bringing people together, people he didn’t exactly want to lay eyes on again.


“That’s Akanishi Jin, he works the night shift. He’s been here for one year so try to learn from him.” His boss patted Kame’s back and he probably mistook Kame’s stricken expression for one of unease. He offered an encouraging smile and gestured for Jin to come over. Jin made his way over and his boss introduced them, totally unaware of the tense undercurrent. And then Jin offered his hand, and Kame looked at it in surprise. He tentatively placed his hand in Jin’s palm and they shook hands. Maybe this was how it was done in the adult world, real feelings veiled with grace and magnanimity. And Kame decided he could get used to this because he would rather pretend he was meeting Jin for the first time, his knowledge of Jin’s illness and that little glimpse into Jin’s world a blank canvas. Throughout the busy dinner period, Kame maneuvered his way through the fully-seated restaurant, his gaze occasionally drifting to Jin. And Kame was glad for the never-ending flow of patrons because he didn’t think he was quite at adept at pretending. He didn’t want the awkward gaps of silence he would feel compelled to fill but as the night rolled on, the snow got bigger. And he thought he could almost hear the floor-length glass panels rattle and quake against the gusts of wind. The crowd dwindled and time slowed to a crawl.


When it was time to knock off, Koki hadn’t come yet and Kame wondered whether he could have gotten held up by the heavy snow and skid on the road. He sat at the barstool, his hands cupped around each other. He had forgotten his gloves again. Jin had switched off the main lights and the dimmed lights from the bar cast a warm glow in the small restaurant.


“So you’re waiting for Koki?” He heard Jin’s voice snap him out of his reverie and he nodded. He watched Jin look at his watch before he beckoned for Kame.


“I’ll send you home.”

--


Kame was acutely aware of the silence inside the car. The drive was slow, stuck in the long line of traffic. And the taillights of the cars blurred into a single straight line that seemed to stretch beyond the snowy landscape.


“So you go around rescuing people like stray puppies?”


“What?” He was about to get pissed when he saw the little teasing smile playing on Jin’s lips, before he realized it was a joke. And a twitch of a smile crossed his face.


“Only if that puppy is bent on self-destruction.” And Jin laughed, a genuine one and it felt like his heart lurched in kind and the space inside the car was getting smaller, boxing the both of them in.


“You’re going to college next year right?”


“Yeah. I wanna get away from here I guess. Sometimes, I get the feeling that the smaller the place, the easier it is to get lost here.” Kame stared outside the window, watching the snow draping over the land. Whoever said snow came down in flakes obviously never come to Hokkaido before. As much as he loved this place, it was so easy to become conditioned, to become stifled. And he didn’t want to be like this, didn’t want to not know what it was like to wish for something more.


Then he heard Jin’s soft voice in the car, and Kame wished he hadn’t heard it. Wished it didn’t sound like a personal confession of sorts. Like a secret divulged to someone you trusted because Kame didn’t want to be that person for Jin. All he wanted was to get past this winter, and then go to college next year. That had been his lifelong dream, and somehow Jin was making him veer off course, like a car lost control and heading for collision.


“I wish it was easier to get lost here. Or anywhere for that matter.”


“If there’s such a place, I’ll go there with you.” Kame heard his own voice, so full of false bravado. And he felt that in that second, he made his conscious decision even if his heart and mind seemed to be speeding in two different directions. And he could see the emotions flicker across Jin’s face, emotions too vague for him to decipher. He could feel the enormity of those words he had spoken, and he had to clench his wrist in his hand, just to stop himself from opening the car door in fear. He wondered if Jin could see the hope, the fear and the unspoken question in his eyes.


Then Jin spoke and he wished it had been a mocking derision at his childish naïve words. Words spoken by someone who had never been truly close to losing. But Jin proved him wrong, like Kame had somehow known he would.


“Then let’s go there.”


Kame knew there was no room for reverse, no room for treading back. He didn’t ask any questions, neither did he offer any explanations because contrary to what Jin thought, he didn’t go around trying to save wounded people. There were too many casualties in this world, and Kame knew Jin was only one of them. One of the only Kame wanted to be reckless for.

--

The car swerved slightly as it drove along the road with the potholes and bumps. It felt as though they were at a higher altitude, but Kame wouldn’t know. Finally the car halted and Jin stepped out into the snow. He followed blindly into the biting chill, dragging his bare hands across each other. He wondered whether this was how it was like to get lost, to reach the far ends of the world, because he felt like he was the only one here, cocooned in the snow with Jin and time had come to a silent standstill. He could see the specks of light from this height, from the buildings. His feet sunk onto the snow, and Jin held out his hand. Gingerly closing the distance between them, Kame reached for Jin. And the warmth seemed to seep into his bones, and he let Jin hold his hand, pulling him slightly closer to the verge.


Kame could hear his teeth chattering, almost blinding out his own thundering heartbeat.


“I guess this is how it feels to be standing close to the edge, never knowing when this will all end.” Kame looked at the smile from Jin, as he tucked Kame’s hand into his pocket. And he clenched and tightened his fingers around Jin, as though trying to offer some vestiges of comfort. Finally he wrapped his arms around Jin from behind, his hands barely enable to encircle him. The coat irritated his cheek and he could almost feel the rise and fall of Jin’s breath and it comforted him on a level so basic that he allowed himself to close his eyes. They stayed like that for a long time before Kame pulled back.


“I’m sorry Jin…I…”


“Kame, don’t allow yourself to feel sorry for me.” Jin aligned his thumb with the curve of his jaw, gently stroking and in that second, any thought of self-preservation vanished. He closed the distance between them, meeting Jin’s lips. His own lips felt bruised, swollen and he was braced for rejection, when he suddenly felt hands cradling his face, angling his head and then a kiss, so delicately it was barely there. He could feel the hoarse unrestrained emotions just shimmering beneath the surface and he leaned into Jin’s embrace, flushed skin and ragged breath. That night, they never went beyond that point, never went beyond the kiss. There was no need to. Kame was lost, and he had no intention of going back.